50books_poc | 15. Jin Xing

This is the memoir of Jin Xing, a child of Korean immigrants to China, who was blessed with extraordinary talent as a dancer. Her gift was noticed at a young age, and she trained with the People's Liberation Army dance troupe. As an adult, she took the opportunity to study and perform in other nations around the world, and during her travels she realized that she was not a gay man, but was in fact a straight woman, and that she wanted to medically transition. She became one of the first people to have an officially recognized legal gender change in China, in 1996(!).

In the book, events and memories pass by quickly, painting a not very detailed but more impressionistic picture of her life. This happened, and another time this happened, and here's another thing... It's not one of those memoirs that could just as easily be a novel. She's just describing memories that stand out to her, with not a lot of "story" in between.

Let me just say, I am not Asian, but I am trans, so I approached this book as both an insider and an outsider, and I found that hard to reconcile at times. Jin Xing grew up in a world I know very little about, and part of me wanted to be accepting of her thoughts on her identity because it's framed by a culture that is foreign to me, while the rest of me balked at views she put forth that felt very antiquated and not at all trans-positive.

The childhood sections are probably the most enjoyable. Despite body dysphoria and the rigors of military life, she finds pleasure in her gift of dance, and has to struggle to gain the recognition and success she desires. In her adult life, there are a lot of lovers mentioned -- a LOT. Some of the relationships are interesting, but ultimately they began to blend together because there are so many and there doesn't seem to be a point to listing them all, except to comment yet *again* on how all men were mesmerized by her (and how they were definitely Not Gay because she was really a woman, which, while I see what she's trying to say, is presented in a pretty anti-gay manner). After a while it became tedious for me, and honestly seemed like bragging about how many men fell instantly in love with her.

This is kind of a problem throughout the book -- she makes herself almost a Mary Sue, whom everybody loves, who has no flaws and makes no mistakes. Surely no one's life is really like this, so it's impossible not to wonder what she is leaving out.

Later in the book she has some extremely negative and crude things to say about other trans women, particularly those who haven't had surgery and those whom she deems to be unattractive. While it is understandable to have anxieties about passing and comparing oneself to other trans people, in my opinion her comments in the book go beyond that, and well into policing other trans women for not being "woman enough". She never indicates that she changed her views on this. In fact, trans people besides herself are absent from the book, except when she observes them from afar and passes judgement on them -- sometimes positive, sometimes negative, but never interacting with them on a human level.

She also refers to intersex people as "hermaphrodites", which I do not think she realizes is a slur.

The book is credited as being written "with Catherine Texier", who is white. Jin Xing speaks adequate but not perfect English (I listened to a radio interview with her), so I don't know how much Texier shaped the composition of the book.

Without the problematic elements, the book wouldn't have been great anyway. With those elements, it's a big thumbs-down for me.

tags: a: Jin Xing, w-a: Texier Catherine, Korean-Chinese, genre: memoir, subject: transgender